There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
