I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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