there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
