is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
