you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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