So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
