I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
