At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize