I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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