Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
