You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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