there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
