The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The power of my boobs compel you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
