Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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