There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
