so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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