Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize