Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize