my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
