I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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