On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
