I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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