i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
third nipple confirmed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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