So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize