You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
