Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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