She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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