Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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