The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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