Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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