Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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