I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
