i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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