It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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