if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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