do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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