Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
