I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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