Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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