Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
