i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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