why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
