either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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