Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
