this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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