Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
