$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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