I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
