Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
