i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
