I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
