The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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