I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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