I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
