I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
