so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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