I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it glows. i had to have it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
