Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This toilet bowl is my home.
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