ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
